I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
