we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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