More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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