I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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