Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Randomize
