I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
