I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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