Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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