i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
