I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
