I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Terrible idea I love it
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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