doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
