You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Randomize
