I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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