i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
There's always time for handjobs
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
