i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
