So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Randomize