to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize
