I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
