all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
pop tarts are not kleenex
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize