Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
