Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
