the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
