I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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