Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
What a fucking waste of an outfit
wat bout pragnant strippers??
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
