I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
