Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
