Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
