Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
