I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
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