I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
