i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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