my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
