rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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