Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
