im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
