marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize