he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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