If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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