i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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