Can Purell be used as lube?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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