i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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