Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
