Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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