fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
