after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
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