nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
