My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
