I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize