Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize