Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
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