I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize