Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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