I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
