i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
