I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
