Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
