she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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