he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
