yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize