belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
