Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
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