Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Randomize
