we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Randomize
