dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize