I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
