My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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