i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
