Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
