i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
