I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
