drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
