Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
