Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
well you can't waste a boner
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
