My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
