Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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