There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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