Christians are straight up FREAKS
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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