I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
