I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
