im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
