He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
You ruined the universe
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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