His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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